Making Great Relationships Happen

An Excerpt from
The 100/0 Principle
by Al Ritter

What is the most effective way to create and sustain great
relationships with others? It's The 100/0 Principle: You take full
responsibility (the 100) for the relationship, expecting nothing (the
0) in return.
Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural for most of us. It
takes real commitment to the relationship and a good dose of self-
discipline to think, act and give 100 percent.
The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in your life where the
relationships are too important to react automatically or
judgmentally. Each of us must determine the relationships to which
this principle should apply. For most of us, it applies to work
associates, customers, suppliers, family and friends.
• STEP 1 - Determine what you can do to make the relationship
work...then do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other
person, whether he/she deserves it or not.
• STEP 2 - Do not expect anything in return. Zero, zip, nada.
• STEP 3 - Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no
matter how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the
bait.
• STEP 4 - Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we
give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind.
Remember to expect nothing in return.
At times (usually few), the relationship can remain challenging, even
toxic, despite your 100 percent commitment and self-discipline. When
this occurs, you need to avoid being the "Knower" and shift to being
the "Learner." Avoid Knower statements/ thoughts like "that won't
work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't," "I'll
teach you," "that's just the way it is," "I need to tell you what I
know," etc.
Instead use Learner statements/thoughts like "Let me find out what is
going on and try to understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I
wonder if there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..." etc. In
other words, as a Learner, be curious!
Principle Paradox
This may strike you as strange, but here's the paradox: When you take
authentic responsibility for a relationship, more often than not the
other person quickly chooses to take responsibility as well.
Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into something
approaching 100/100. When that occurs, true breakthroughs happen for
the individuals involved, their teams, their organizations and their
families.